Sunday, November 16, 2008

Other people's words.

I watched "Instinct" at youth group tonight and one of the characters said something that I've been thinking and feeling for a while. It's said by Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character.

Ok Ethan. You asked me a question once, "What has you all tied up in knots when you wake up sweating in the middle of the night?" You still wanna know? I've been thinking about it, been thinking about it a lot. It's not the work, I love the work. I've always loved the work. It's the game. The game, Ethan. And I was so good at it. I made sure all the right people liked me. At night, I'd go through the checklist in my mind: Am I cool with Ben Hillard? Am I cool with Dr. Josephson? Am I cool with all the people who can help me? Am I cool with all the people who can hurt me? Nobody thought I was weak or a loser. There was nobody I was offending, nobody I loved. *That* game, Ethan. But guess what? You taught me how to live outside of the game. You taught me how to *live*. And you know what scares me even more? That I'm going back in. "Forgive me, Ben. Put me back in the game. I'll make you like me again. I'll do the work, I'll do *all* the work, just put me back in the game." And you wanna know, you wanna know the psychology behind this? Now, pay attention, cause I'm good at this. I'm trying not to say goodbye to you. I'm trying not to say I'll miss you. I'm trying to forget you. Ethan Powell, case closed. *Case closed*. Look at me..

I'm not saying goodbye to anyone, but I can relate to how he sees his job. I'm tired of playing the game.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

We are the ones we've been waiting for!

A few days ago I filled out my absentee ballot.  When I filled in the oval beside Obama/Biden I actually felt like that little motion made with a pen meant something.  I voted for a man that, for once, seems to think and see the world the way I do.  He just gave his victory speech on national television.

For the first time since I've been politically conscious I feel hope that America might become something more than just the most powerful empire on earth.  I feel that my voice has been heard and counts.  That we no longer have to settle for a choice between two caricatures, but can cut a path not determined mindless adherence to one of two polar opposites.  I feel like we might be waking up from the fugue caused by our power, greed, and arrogance.  I hope it is more than just a momentary impression. 

To those that are fearful and frustrated by tonight.  I'm sorry for your fear and I understand that nothing could be said in one blog post that will assuage that fear.  I will pray for you, and when I meet you, I will try to love you to the best of my ability.  I hope you will partner with us and become part of the "we" that we have been waiting for. 

I would imagine that this will be my last post on politics, at least for a while.   :)

We'll see how Prop 8 faired in the morning.